By Daniel B. Evans
[First published 11/28/98]
The following (in no particular order) are some of my favorite jokes about lawyers and the legal system.
The word "oxymoron" is from a combination of Greek words for "smart" and "stupid," and it is used to describe a phrase that has an internal conflict or contradiction, such as "military intelligence" or "postal service."
The legal profession has its share of the usual two-word oxymorons, such as "legal ethics" and "Justice Rehnquist," but is unique in also providing us with the only one-word oxymoron: brief.
The Devil appeared to a lawyer and offered him all the worldly wealth and pleasures the lawyer could imagine, provided the lawyer give the Devil his eternal soul and the eternal souls of his wife and children. The lawyer thought about it for a few minutes, then finally said, "Okay, I give up. What's the catch?"
A man telephones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day the same man phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the man calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The man says, "Because I just love hearing it."
Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.The lawyer responded as follows:
Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application.I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working with real property titles, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our Abstract of Title. For your edification, I should explain that title to the land in question was by the United States by purchase from France, which had acquired it by right of conquest from Spain. Title to the land had come to Spain by right of discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch of Spain, Queen Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, had taken the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. The Pope is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God created Louisiana.
Now, may we have our damn loan?
Copyright 1998 Daniel B. Evans. All rights reserved. Not legal advice.